The drama kind of drama, the dead squirrel weave, and other tales.

Friends! Oh it's been such a long time. In my defense, it's been insanity up in herrrrre.

First I'd like to start you with some humorous (albeit disturbing) city happenings before I give a life update.

I pass some woman's ripped out weave everyday from the el platform to work. For a while it was on the sidewalk, covered in glass and leaves. Today it's in the middle of the street and looks distinctly like a dead squirrel. Each time I pass it I imagine some larger than life reality tv altercation with bleeps and blurred images that lead to this horrific hair piece now masquerading as a dead squirrel on Chicago Ave.

Another!

I was waiting for the el one fine autumn Sunday afternoon. The brown line picks up at the stop down the block, and I picked it up there an rode it successfully to the Fullerton stop, where I could switch to the red line that would take me to rehearsal in Lakeview. Sundays mean fewer el cars and longer wait periods, so I was thrilled when I got the chance to sit down. I made it to Fullerton and prepared for another long wait while the red line barreled down the tracks. As I'm waiting, the platform gets fuller and fuller(ton? That's was stupid, sorry). A mother and her five year old daughter set up camp right next to me on the back side of the elevator. We wait there for about five minutes when I start hearing a fuss to my right. Indeed, I turn to look at what's going on, and the mother is pulling down the little girl's pants, in front of 50 people, and making her squat against the concrete elevator. I'm all like, what the WHAT? Crazy mama then proceeds to place a Styrofoam Big Gulp cup beneath the girl and has tells her to “go”. And I'm standing, not 5 feet away, while this poor little girl starts peeing in a cup while surrounded by 50 of her fellow Chicagoans. Mama then stands her up, notices that she peed all over the leg of her jeans, turns to the rest of us and smiles as if to say, “Oh kids! Always peeing on their legs in public places!”. No lady, that's not normal. The little girl was clearly distressed at this, but mama just used her hand to rub the pee further into the jeans. Oh, and the el came. So they march onto the el, AND SIT DOWN. In case you weren't paying attention, the little girl has pee all over her pants. Do you see what I'm getting at? And mama also has pee-pee on her hands which makes me want to vomit. Never was I more grateful that I carry around my little bottle of Purell. Now, if you're observant you'll remember that there is a Big Gulp containing some homemade Mellow Yellow that is sitting on the el platform. Yeah, that never made it to the garbage. Times like these remind me why I'm not a true city girl.

Okay, so......my life. First of all, Evita has been canceled. I was really sad about it, then I was really mad, now I'm just exhausted of the whole situation. A week before our Michigan show we lost 3 ensemble members. With the show coming up so soon, we just soldiered on, got an extra voice to stand and sing with the orchestra, you know....like you do in the theatre. You just keep going. A ton of progress was made that week and we put up a great show. So much fun. I think we were all excited about how great this show was going to be in Chicago.

We were given the week off after Michigan, which was glorious. The Sunday after our little tour to Michigan we met for our first rehearsal in a week, and I was itching to get started again. We were then informed that our Che quit the previous Sunday – a day after our show. He had demanded three times the amount of money he was receiving, didn't like the terms of his contract (which, apparently he hadn't signed. The contract issue is a whole other debacle in it of itself. But I won't get into that), and frankly, was generally a little shit during rehearsals which gave me the impression that he had only wanted the credit with the symphony and was planning on quitting anyway. After that information we were told the show might not go on. It might not go on? Isn't the idea that “it must go on”? “This is crazy defeatist talk/Why commit (artistic) suicide?/There's no risk, there's no call for any action at all/When you have (3 weeks until PREVIEW) on your side.) (Altered lyric from the show that is oddly appropriate.)

To make a long story much shorter, the next two and half weeks we were put on hold. We were told they were going to audition some folks for Che. Communication ceased. We were told a decision would be made by a certain date. We checked our emails multiple times an hour, every day, hoping for information. Those dates would pass without any information. I met up with two of the girls in the show one Thursday evening, a fellow ensemble member and the woman playing Eva, and we drank port wine and commiserated. Had another one of those parties with more of the cast the following week. Things were not looking good, and with each day that passed we hadn't rehearsed in more and more time. But there was still SO MUCH TIME left. Three weeks until previews – come on! Shows start from scratch, rehearse, and are UP in that amount of time. And we live in Chicago, ya'll. No one here could play that role? Not one? Even someone as a mediocre Che would be better than canceling the show during Stage 773's inaugural renovated space performance. I got an email from a cast member last Monday that Stage 773 had removed Evita from the calendar. B'Scuse me? So I called, and another girl called, and they told us it was canceled. OH REALLY? The man selling tickets at the Stage 773 box office has been told something we haven't? It was then put back up on the site. But they weren't selling tickets. Well we got the email on Tuesday that it was canceled, and we were released from our contracts. So that's that. What a waste. And this was going to be my last show for a bit, while I get grad school sorted out.  Never, in all my years of theatre, has anything like this ever happened.  "I'm gonna wash that show right outta my hair..."

Other moments of note: 

It was our 5 year anniversary yesterday! Oh my gosh. We went out to a fancy French restaurant called Cafe des Architectes and saw Esperanza Spalding in concert. The food was mind-bogglingly good. Some of the delish yummies we had were crab salad and pretzel rolls, olive spread, beef tartar over squash puree with cilantro and homemade potato crisps, sole with caviar, game hen over polenta with mushroom (my FAVORITE), pan-seared halibut over braised short-ribs with fingerling potatoes, beet sponge cake with berries and cream, apple bread pudding with brown-butter ice cream. Yeah. All I can say about the Esperanza concert was that it was perfect. If I didn't have a crush on her already...she's just so amazing. We got home that night and were just so happy – I can't believe I get to spend my life with him! Okay, enough gushing. 

Other news: I take the GRE on Wednesday, I helped pace a friend from mile 15-22 of the Chicago Marathon, signed up for guitar lessons, and made some delicious food. I will list it here:

• Sweet and sour cabbage soup with cornbread (so, so good)
• Oven baked salmon fillets with a tomato/lemon/scallion sauce with pan-roasted sweet potatoes in a brown sugar sauce. (Made that last night!)
• Homemade gnocchi in a white wine parsley cream sauce
• Braised red cabbage with apple, bacon, and balsamic vinegar
• Sauteed kale and cabbage salad (lots of cabbage this go around....bought two heads, one savoy one red, and it made 3 meals + leftovers!)
• Perfect grilled fillet mignon with a chili-garlic rub (thanks Mehran!), sauteed mushrooms and onions, mashed potatoes, and a light spinach salad.
• Lubia polo – a very delicious, approachable Persian rice dish with tomatoes, green beans, beef, turmeric, and potato ta-deg (thinly sliced potatoes fried on the bottom of the steaming rice. True ta-deg is a beautiful saffron colored/flavored rice crown made when the rice steams and is made golden on the bottom.) The things I learn from Mehran's family! I love it.
• Apple almond bread pudding
• Baked apples with cinnamon (so easy, so healthy. No extra sugar (sweet tango apples truly do not need it), so delicious.
• Oatmeal raisin cookies

We eats like kings! But like healthy, cheap kings.

Life is so fun (crazy, interesting, unpredictable, wild, tasty, scary), isn't it?

K

Zombies

Zombie dream last night. Mehran, my brother, my sister, and I had to quickly pack what we thought we'd need to escape our quickly transformed parents. Great-Grandma was fully converted into a zombie, but she was super slow (heck, she's 90), so we were able to make it out.

I'd like to think that this is somehow applicable to my life, but I'm having trouble seeing it. Suggestions? I've never been one for reading into dreams, usually because mine involve Mario, Harry Potter, flying, and catastrophic natural disasters that require great feats of bravery, often in the same dream. Apparently my brain is on crack the second my head hits the pillow. Mehran often reports that I talk in my sleep, laugh in my sleep, and occasionally wind up on the floor actively trying to save us from flooding or skull crushing steal beams. Poor guy, probably just wants to sleep.

I've felt a shift since my big revelation. For one thing, I get up easier in the morning, probably because I know I won't have to do this forever. The thought of working a rather uninteresting job (or jobs) is a hard motivator in the morning. BUT, when there' an end in sight, things look a bit sunnier. Also, I'm back to my usual list-making self, which, for those of you who know me very well, is the sign of a very happy and productive Katie.

Here's a list of happy things:

1. There is cream-cheese apple tart in the fridge
2. I have worn a light jacket and a scarf for TWO DAYS IN A ROW
3. Mehran put the new Red Hot Chili Pepper's album on my iPod and I've been dancing in my wheely chair all day.

Here's a list of apple things I am going to bake:

1. Apple coffee cake
2. Apple crisp
3. Apple pie
4. Apple dumplings
5. Apple molasses cookies
6. ??? Have a delicious recipe that you would love to share? I will make it and feature it here!

And here is a list of my favorite autumn things:

1. Foodsplosions of every denomination. Cinnamon, especially.
2. Super crunchy leaves. And leaves that smack you in the face as you're walking down the sidewalk, as if to say, “It's autumn, bitch!”
3. Smells. Baking smells, fireplace smells, leaf smells, and the smells of 10 different types of candy in an oversize pumpkin bowl. You know the smell.
4. Cool, crisp air. Having to wear slippers in my apartment
5. Sweaters. Wooly ones.
6. Scarves that are so big they can be used as blankets
7. Boots that make really loud click-y noises
8. Disney's Robin Hood
9. Snuggling.

Things we've learned today: Great-Grandma zombies pose no real threat, you can make almost anything out of apples (please, is this really news?), and I'm autumn obsessed (which is also hardly news if you're my Groupon co-worker, or if you've met me).

Cheers!

Katie

Happy

Happy.  So happy.

I received a bunch of wonderful feedback from so many of you - some identifying with my feelings, some offering words of encouragement, and others who just wanted to let me know that they read it.  I think you're all fabulous.

And instead of being self-indulgent and writing ya'll an update on my life again, I will post pictures of food.  Trust me, you won't be sorry.

The first is of a cream cheese apple tart.  It is delicious, but gave me quite the trouble in the oven as it spilled over a bit.

Cinnamon, sugar, and apples.  It made the house smell amazing!  Gosh, I love autumn.

Before baking

Finished product

And for dinner....

White bean chicken chili that spent the afternoon in the slow-cooker.  yum!

Life is good.

Soul Scouring

When I was in second grade I knew EXACTLY what I was going to be when I grew up. I carefully chose my crayons, thoughtfully drew the outline of my adult self. I made sure her eyes were brown, that her hair was brown, and that she had a big smile on her face. I made sure the dress she wore had lots of color. And then I began drawing what could easily be identified as my profession – a microphone. I wanted to perform. But I didn't stop there, I kept drawing. I drew myself with three kids around me while I sang, and that completed what I knew I had to become: The Famous Singing Mommy!

Since then many things have happened. I've gone through school, given up soccer for theatre, met friends, lost friends, went to college, changed majors, studied acting, and performed in tons of shows. Since my most recent big life change (moving), and perhaps a little bit before, I've had many discussions with myself. They go a little like this:

“Self?”

“Oh, hey!”

“Yeah. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????”

And then I implode.

I've just been noticing myself changing, perhaps I'm becoming more of an adult? Maybe I'm just away from what is comfortable, so I'm able to step back and see myself more clearly? Who knows. But I definitely feel a shift. I notice my very talented friends and peers sacrifice everything for the sake of their art; some going into debt, many working awful day jobs, no real roots – which makes it easier to go on tour for a year or move across the country for a while. It's part of what makes acting exciting, and is what makes them (often) successful. And while I work hard at monologues, classes, auditioning, and rehearsals, I realize that the other part, the part that requires the actor to lead the selfish (in the best possible way) lifestyle, is something I don't think I have within me. I love the craft, not the business.

I love so many different things and want so much for my life, and career success is part of it, but not all of it. It's not the only component to my happiness.

I want love, family, friends, theatre, baking elaborate desserts, outdoors, music, food, vacations that are planned in advance, children, brand new puppies (!), spontaneous day-trips, a house, time at the cabin, birthdays/anniversaries/holidays celebrated on the day that they occur on the calendar, art fairs, lazy weekends, exciting nights out, parades, hikes in the woods, music rehearsals, farmer's markets, long runs with my best friend, working in the yard until it gets dark out, Sunday afternoons spent reading, and on and on and on.

So I look at my life. And I look at how many of the people I love who have had to postpone many of these things for their art. Not that a life in theatre means you can't have some of these things, it's just that having the career I would want in acting, to the degree I would want, would mean sacrificing much of that list. And I see the track I'm on: Working menial jobs for 40 hrs a week with no sense of permanency or no real opportunity for advancement. I get to go to rehearsals for 4-5 hours a night, which are fun and creative and deep and cathartic, but they don't allow me the time to do the other thousand things I crave to do. And for some that's okay. I used to think that was okay for me, too.

So I think it's time I be honest with myself. When I was six I knew I wanted to be a singer. I knew I loved to perform, that I was good at it, and that I loved working to get better. But I also knew I was destined to serve other roles in my life, and I don't want forget the 1 million other parts of me.

So I'm going to explore other ways to be artistic – I think I'll take some guitar or piano lessons after Evita, Mehran and I have been talking about getting some recording equipment, and of course I'll continue with theatre, but I think it's a different relationship now. I'm exploring other possibilities. I'm rolling over my 401K into a Roth IRA – I'M A CRAZY WOMAN!!

But both my mom and dad have told me this – I can't make a wrong move. How lucky is that, to have parents like that? And Mehran has given me his full support in either direction – he just wants me to live my life passionately. How lucky is that, to have someone love me like that?

I think I'm going to be okay. :)

(Oh, and since we last met, I made rice krispies treats and they are FANTASTIC. Always add less cereal – it makes them gooey-er and chewier.)

Oh hey...

So it's been a while.  In my defense I've been, like, super busy.

I've been rehearsing for Evita and have been having so much fun - learning tango, doing that whole singing thing, and just being around my art is fun.  Rehearsals are at the University of Chicago and it's BEAUTIFUL.  Wow.  And the rehearsal facilities are so nice.  Don't get me wrong, I loves me some Vilas basement, but....yeah.

A few callback auditions since I last wrote, so we'll see.  I was supposed to be at another one tonight, but I turned it down.  Now, I don't want to sound like a theatre snob, but I received the sides and music and it STUNK.  Barely any artistic integrity, lyrics were bad, music was predictable, blahblahblah.  Actors need money, yes, but at what cost?  I'll just audition for something else - simple.

Mehran and I went to Hub 51 yesterday and had the BEST nachos.  I mean, they put all other nachos to shame.  Next time, however, I'll bring four other friends to share in them, because it was way too much for lil' ol' me.  Oooo then we walked down Hubbard St. to Andy's Jazz Club and LOVED IT.  Best jazz I've heard in Chi so far - complex, smooth, great individual solos, tons of latin beats, and fantastic talent.  I want to go back every night.

Tonight I've convinced my man to go get some fro-yo down on Halsted.  If you know me, you know I'm in love with dessert, especially of the frozen variety.  I'm reminded of the last time I got fro-yo, which was with the cast of Rocky Horror, and our Rocky got EVERY SINGLE TOPPING and ate it all up like a fatty, then proceeded to prance about stage in his underpants.  Here's looking at you, Nick Z

And here are some pictures of my recent happenings with friends and family.  Oooo and Persian food.

 Vonskie tribute for jazz in the park. So good and so fun!  We had awesome seats.

Leaving the concert.  This is seriously the coolest.

Bean.  Mehran's building is to the left of this picture! (And a block or two down Michigan Ave)

Back for birthday shenanigans.

Mehran's Persian graduation party!  Friends came up to his cabin!  Let delicious food pictures commence! (Mehran's mom is amazing).

God Is An Astronaut Concert at The Subterranean in Bucktown.  So epic.

Just look at this picture.  I have the coolest parents ever.  

TEAM KEHRAN FTW!

 I leave you with a picture of Jason eating a burrito.  Yep.

Times are a-changin'!

My first post was about being jobless, show-less, and cookie-less.  I fixed the cookie problem by the second post and the results were delicious.

Well, GUESS WHAT?  I have solved the other two as well.

First, my show.  I got a paid chorus part for Night Blue's production of Evita - a brief tour in Michigan to perform with the Michigan Symphony Orchestra, and a run from October through November.  Yay for being paid to do musical theatre!  I also have a call-back for a well-paid show out in the burbs tomorrow, so auditioning has been going well.  An indication I'm doing the right thing?  I think so.

The job bit is slightly more complicated.  After (almost) 100 applications, I finally was hired at Massage Envy Spa as a sales associate/receptionist.  I started last week, and everyone there was so nice and wonderful, but the pay was not ideal and I could only get 20 hrs/week.  That I wouldn't be able to pay rent/save/have any extra was bad enough, but I want so badly to be a significant contributor to our household income, not just a miniscule fraction.  Hard to do as a working actor, ain't it?  (Resounding head nod from about 60% of my friends).

So the job search continued.  Long story short, I got a long-term temp job with Groupon as a Market Researcher, with some data entry.  Better pay, 40 hrs a week, possibility for permanent hire.  Woohoo!  But most of all, it means that, for the time being, I'm a contributor. 

So things are good.  I start Wednesday.  Panic attacks have stopped, at least for the moment. 

And now for a funny story.  We were out this weekend at Madison's Bar in good ol' Madison, WI for a friend's birthday, and I ordered my fav - Jameson on the rocks.  Later on in the evening, I wen to the bar to order another drink, when I woman at the bar calls me over to her. 

"The bartender and I saw you order the Jameson on the rocks....did you drink that entire thing?"

"Um, yeah."

"Holy shit!  We both agreed, that girl's got BALLS"

And there you have it.

K

Birthday Cake

I make, hands down, the best cheesecake of anyone anywhere.

I know what you may be thinking - "Oh I make a really great cheesecake, too" or "My mom is 5 TIMES better at making cheesecake" or "That's an awfully big claim - have you ever TASTED all of the cheesecakes in the world?" And to that my answer is yes, I have tasted every single cheesecake in the history of cheesecakes and mine is far superior.

It's simply adorable that you think anything would compare.  You're so cute!

My friends are coming down to celebrate Mehran's and my birthdays, and I made a white chocolate raspberry swirl cheesecake.  If it sounds amazing, it's because it is.

Here are some pictures.  Commence drooling.

Whipping egg whites

Sponge cake bottom

Swirling!

Finished product!  A little dark on the top, but it was my first time baking a cheesecake in the new oven.

K